THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE BOY YOU DATE AND THE MAN YOU MARRY

When you’re dating a guy, it’s easy to think he’s perfect. You’re in a love haze, so be careful because there are definite differences between the boy you date and the man you marry. It’s true that people can change, so don’t ditch a guy just because he seems like a slacker at first. It’s okay to give him a chance to prove himself. However, if you don’t eventually see some of these characteristics, don’t be afraid to dump him and move on to someone new. If you’re young and having fun at this point in your life, it’s okay to date around and have flings, but before long you’re going to want to settle down, so make sure you do it with a quality man like me Femi, not an immature boy.

1. The boy you date…
asks you to “hang out,” which involves less commitment than a date. He wants to have fun with no strings attached.

The man you marry…
asks you out on dates and is clear about his intentions with you. He wants to be with you and wants you to know where you’re headed.

2. The boy you date…
talks with you about people you know from your past, or pokes fun at that guy at the bar, or only shares funny stories because he can’t connect on a deeper level.

The man you marry…
can hold a conversation with you about books, movies, music, and other common interests. This makes for a more substantial relationship in the long run.

3. The boy you date…
will say he never wants to get married or have kids, and nothing will change his mind. Don’t try–this is a red flag that he’s not Mr. Right!

The man you marry…
might change his mind about wanting to marry and have kids after he’s met you.

4. The boy you date…
hears your attitude, takes it personally, and starts firing it right back at you until it spirals into a major fight.

The man you marry…
can handle your attitude and talk you down from a ledge. This is especially important when you have major life crises or a bad day at work.

5. The boy you date…
calls you mean and immature names to make himself feel like a winner.

The man you marry…
fights fairly. He doesn’t call you names or use physical force, no matter how angry he gets.

6. The boy you date…
cares too much about looks, and will tease you for looking sloppy until you fix yourself back up to his standards.

The man you marry…
understands that everyone has good and bad days as far as looks go, and won’t hurt your feelings or love you less if your weight fluctuates or you have a bad hair day or forget to shave for awhile.

7. The boy you date…
will say “I’m sorry” because he just wants you to cheer up or stop nagging him. He says “I love you” because he doesn’t want to lose you, even though he doesn’t really feel the meaning of the words.

The man you marry…
will say “I’m sorry” because he honestly is, and he never meant to hurt you with his words or actions. He says “I love you” because he truly means it, and wants you to feel that love every minute of your life.

8. The boy you date…
will expect to have things done for him because that’s what his mom did, and that’s what other girls have done for him, and he doesn’t have to take care of himself.

The man you marry…
will know how to take care of himself: how to cook, clean, do laundry, pay bills, and more–because he’s already a man. It’s important for people to have this figured out before they’re ready to marry, which is a great way to tell what type your guy is.

9. The boy you date…
doesn’t want to meet your friends because he just wants to be alone with you all of the time.

The man you marry…
wants to hear stories about your friends until he can meet them and get to know them himself.

10. The boy you date…
well, you’re too embarrassed to take him to meet your parents, not that he’d ever bring it up himself.

The man you marry…
wants to meet your parents, and impresses them when he does.

11. The boy you date…
is always the one you fantasize about marrying, because he’s cute and all you do is have fun together (until the first big blow-up…).

The man you marry…
is never a sure thing. You hem and haw over if he’s right, if you should settle down with him, if your relationship can make it long term.

12. The boy you date…
doesn’t listen to you or fully engage in conversations. He nods while you talk, then changes the subject or just tells you what you want to hear.

The man you marry…
cares about what you have to say. He wants to know your thoughts and opinions on anything from major issues to tiny moments from your day.

13. The boy you date…
runs at the first sign of trouble because it’s too much drama for him, and he doesn’t want anything tying him down.

The man you marry…
sticks with you through tough times because he’s committed to you and the relationship, and wants to see it through to the end.

14. The boy you date…
doesn’t reach for the check, and huffs if you ask him to split the bill with you.

The man you marry…
pays when he takes you out, even after you grab the check and insist five times that it’s your turn to pay.

15. The boy you date…
never gives you security. You don’t know how he feels or what he’s up to when he’s not with you, and your friends might even have money riding on how long you’ll last.

The man you marry…
will make you feel secure. You’ll always know he loves you, you’ll be able to trust him, and you’ll know that you two can make it through anything.

20 QUALITIES OF A GENTLEMAN.

Gentlemen still exist, today, although they may appear slightly different.

The “old school” gentleman, who pulled out chairs and opened up car doors, has since been replaced with the “modern” gentleman, who can maintain a stimulating conversation outside the realms of Twitter, Facebook and BBM.

Given the social norms of today’s society, being a gentleman will prove itself to be quite difficult – but not impossible.

Just because certain behaviors aren’t considered “cool” or “popular” by mainstream standards doesn’t mean they’re correct by societal standards. Being a gentleman is timeless, and mainstream trends will phase in and out. Notice this, and focus on the long-term.

While being in your 20s and carefree may discourage all intentions of acting “gentlemanlike” – recognize the longevity of certain good habits. These will never “go out of style,” and are telltale signs of maturity.

Everyone can be a gentleman. That title is earned, it’s not something you’re born into. Here are 20 things every prospective gentleman should strive to do:

1. He refers to women by their given first names – Mom gave her that name for a reason, use it. In many cases, it will be extremely disrespectful to call a girl anything besides her given name, and generic (typically profane) slurs are only a clear sign of your own ignorance. A gentleman should be deliberate in regard to how he addresses a lady, and first names will leave minimal room for error.
2. If he can spare it, he spends it – While paying for your female date is no longer an expectation in today’s society, especially on first dates, unless you’re falling on really hard financial times, it’s a good look to at least offer.

 

3. He says “I’m sorry” – Having the capability to say, “I’m sorry,” is one of the most overlooked qualities in both men and women. Apologies require a great deal of strength, and the human ego will make matters personally challenging. Part of becoming a gentleman is realizing that the man who can admit when he is wrong is no weaker than the man who never backs down.

 

4. He stands behind an unwavering set values – Standing behind a set of values, and believing in something, displays loyalty in a man. True gentlemen will follow a moral code, with others’ best interests in mind. Upholding certain values will prove to others that you’re in no position to be walked over, and that you will fight for what you believe in.

 

5. He always holds the door open – It’s such a little gesture that goes such a long way. I understand these types of things may seem “ancient” in the year 2014, there’s still a degree of charm that comes along with them.
The “modern gentleman” should not abandon the “old school” tools of the trade.

 

6. He compliments people – Complimenting people around you is a direct reflection upon yourself. It shows others that you are not too self-absorbed to take an interest in them, and it also shows kindness. While random acts of kindness may go unnoticed by some, to others, they might mean more than you could imagine.

 

7. He’s well-groomed – Comb your hair, brush your teeth, shave your face. Maintaining small, good grooming habits will speak volumes about you as a person. If you can’t manage to keep your appearance neat and orderly, how can you expect others to believe your life is any more neat and orderly?

 

8. He always smells good, not just for the ladies, but also for himself – By simply smelling good, you will attract far more people than the alternative.
It’s a subtle aspect of your appearance that bears far deeper social implications. Find a brand or designer that you really like, and let that become “your smell.”

 

9. He keeps a good posture – This isn’t the back of middle school algebra class, and your company isn’t some boring teacher. Sit up straight, with your chest out, shoulders back and demand the attention of every set of eyes in the room. Whether it be just you and your date or a room full of prospective clients. Gentlemen will have a strong backbone, and I’m referring to their character.

 

10. He’s patient – Children are fidgety and anxious. Gentlemen are cool and patient. Whether it be en route to dinner with a new girl, and stuck in traffic, or handling matters of business – a gentleman will always wait situations out until they’re most advantageous to act upon.

 

11. He maintains self-control – Gentlemen will always be in control of themselves. When other people, or things, take the wheel and steer, – with regard to life choices and specific habits – it is only a matter of time before you find yourself spinning out of control. The modern gentleman will not fear experimenting with things, and indulging in certain things, as long as he maintains control and stays within the lanes of his respective road.

 

12. He always listens, first – Trust me. Everyone’s got something to say. It’s a much rarer commodity finding someone who will listen. Being a gentleman is not about constantly speaking your mind, but knowing when to speak, and, most importantly, when to shut up and listen.

 

13. He’s smart with his money – Gentlemen don’t live and die by receipts or bar tabs. Being fiscally responsible is a life lesson, and being fiscally irresponsible is one you will most likely learn the morning after. Being a gentleman doesn’t mean buying every attractive girl you see walk past the bar a glass of wine to show off what’s in your wallet. True gentlemen will strive to find the right girl – and then start saving up to buy the entire vineyard.

 

14. He’s always on time – Being punctual displays reliability. A sense of responsibility will often supplement those who value the importance of time, and meeting appointments. If you’re on time with regards to the smaller things, others will know they can depend on you when it comes to larger issues. Gentlemen will know that being five minutes early is too late.

 

15. He asks questions and doesn’t speak about himself – Showing an interest in others is refreshing. A gentleman will look to inquire about those around him, especially a date, rather than preaching about himself. Asking questions will show a genuine curiosity in someone, the opposite of apathy. Gentlemen will look to keep their dates engaged, and speaking, as opposed to taking the risk of talking too much.

 

16. He’s always respectful – Being a gentleman doesn’t mean being a “yes man.” It doesn’t mean seeing eye-to-eye with everyone you meet, and it certainly doesn’t mean being a kiss ass. What it does mean, however, is that you will always uphold a level of respect with all of your associates. Naturally, a date, or girlfriend, is by no means any different.

 

17. He makes the first move – Don’t leave the fate of any situation in the hands of others. Whether it be starting up a conversation with a girl you’ve never met at an outing, being the first to attempt to reconcile things with a long-term girlfriend, or even pursuing a certain job opening – always take matters into your own hands and make the first move.
18. He’s composed – Keep your composure. True gentlemen are always poised. Because when situations become dire, and others start to panic, gentlemen have the ability to provide a beacon of assurance that the people around them can feed off. He is cool, calm and collected. In the words of Ernest Hemingway, “Courage is grace under pressure.” Be graceful under pressure.

 

19. He doesn’t rush out of places – Always try to be the first man in and the last man out, as it displays your intentions to see things through. Whether it be a movie, a sporting event or work, don’t leave until the fat lady has finished singing.

 

20. He doesn’t finish his food before his date does – Don’t be a pig. If you’re eating with company, or out to dinner with a date, don’t rush through your food like you haven’t eaten in weeks. Especially during the earlier phases of dating, view meals and dinner dates as social events. Scarfing down the steak you order should always be secondary to conducting a stimulating conversation.